


You’re a what?!

by pro_fangirl



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Anesthesia, Coming Out, Humor, I’m not a doctor, Loopy Peter Parker, Other, Peter Parker being Peter Parker, Sort Of, Tony finds this hilarious, please don’t sue me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-27 21:46:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19798411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pro_fangirl/pseuds/pro_fangirl
Summary: Peter comes out to Tony... but Peter means something entirely different than what Tony is thinking.





	You’re a what?!

**Author's Note:**

> This story is based off a song I heard on Facebook. It’s extremely weird, I was sleep deprived when I wrote this, and I am completely unashamed.
> 
> Enjoy! :)

The day had started off normal.

Peter had spent the night at the compound. He’d woken up at approximately 10:57. He joined Tony, who had only woken up minutes earlier, in the kitchen for breakfast/lunch. Tony had cooked up some surprisingly edible omelets. Peter had gulped down four, plus two bowls of cereal and a glass of orange juice.

Then they had made their way down to the medical bay where Dr. Cho was waiting.

That was when the day had shifted to not normal.

Dr. Cho has been working on an anesthesia which would work for Peter’s advanced metabolism (Tony never wanted to go through _that_ again), and she wanted to try out a dose. When Tony had asked if that was medically okay, she had said she’d rather find out if it worked now instead of on an operating table. Tony had promptly shut up. 

So Tony and Peter found themselves in the MedBay at 11:30 sharp.

The bad news: the anesthesia hadn’t worked. It hadn’t knocked Peter out, just made him loopy and completely out of it. The good news: Cho had said that now it was just a matter of adjusting the dose. She had retreated to a lab, saying she’d tweak some things and be back in half an hour, giving Peter enough time to- hopefully- get the drugs out of his system.

Cho has been gone for seven minutes, thirty-two seconds. And until she came back, Tony was left with a _very_ loopy kid.

The kid had been mumbling for about twenty minutes now. Something about rainbows, and peanut butter, and some talk show host. But now, eight minutes and eleven seconds since Cho had left, Peter spoke up. 

He did more than that. He sat up and was beginning to swing his legs over the side of the hospital bed before Tony could gently push him back down.

Peter looked confused. He lay back down but not before cocking his head at Tony in a way that made him look like a puppy. A very confused, very cute puppy.

“Mis, mster Stark?”

“You need something, bud?”

Peter face twisted and he bit his lip as if in deep contemplation. Then, “Can I tell you something?”

“Of course, Peter. Anything.”

“Won’t laugh?” Peter looked honestly concerned, and now Tony was beginning to wonder if this was serious.

“I won’t laugh.”

Peter still didn’t look convinced. “No laughing!” he reiterated.

Tony held up his hands in a placating gesture. “I promise.”

“I think it’s time.”

There was a pause. Tony was honestly worried now. “Time for what, bud?”

“To come out.”

Oh. _Oh._ Whatever Tony had expected, it wasn’t that. Still, he would be supportive of whatever Peter told him.

“Is this about your friend, Ted?”

Tony knew the guy’s actual name, Ned, but it was almost an inside joke with Peter now to pretend not to know.

“Because I knew _something_ was up with you two. But it’s okay, Pete, I’m okay with,”

“No, Mister Stark!” Peter protested prohemiently. 

Tony paused. “Okay, someone else then.”

“No! You’re misunderstanding.”

“I’m sorry. What was it you wanted to tell me, Pete?” Tony wasn’t worried anymore, just confused. 

“I’m a dolphin!”

“Sorry, _what?_ ”

“I’m a dolphin. You know, with flippers.” 

Tony had promised not to laugh, but he couldn’t help the small snort that escaped. 

Peter noticed and immediately his lip curled in a pout. 

“Mister Starkkk, you promised no laughing.”

“Right, no laughing. Sorry.”

“Isst okay. I forgive you.”

Tony stifled another laugh. There was no way he was ever going to let Peter forget this. 

“FRIDAY, you recording this?”

The ceiling answered in its usual feminine, monotone voice. “Of course, Boss.”

Tony smiled. “Good.” Then he returned his attention back to Peter who was busy rubbing his thumbs together. 

“So, Peter, what kind of dolphin are you?”

“I don’t know. Hadn’t thought ‘bout that. Bottlenose?”

“Good choice.”

Peter hummed to himself, continuing to rub his fingers together. “Okay.” There was a pause. “Mister Stark?”

“Yes, Peter?”

“When do I grow fins?”

Tony smothered what had to be the fiftieth laugh. “I don’t know. Why would you grow fins?”

“You know. Puberty.”

This time it was too much for Tony. He laughed. A huge guffaw that bounced around the hospital room.

Peter scowled. “Like it’s any better for you.”

Tony was still laughing. Gosh, he couldn’t wait to show this to Pepper and May. They would get a hoot out of it.

“Why, what’s so wrong about me?” Tony asked.

“You being what you are.” Peter retorted.

“And what am I?” Tony was having way to much fun with this.

Peter’s answer was short and matter of fact.

“A platypus.”

**Author's Note:**

> So...yeah.
> 
> P.S. I’m not a doctor, so please don’t get mad about any medical inaccuracies.


End file.
